Reconsidering the Shelf Life of Friendships

A new observation recently struck me.

Facebook is extending the expiration date on my friendships.

I resisted joining Facebook for a long time. I thought it would just be another stupid little social networking site that I would have to invest a lot of time learning about, and I really just wasn't interested. But over time, more and more people were leaving MySpace and flocking towards Facebook. So I reasoned, what the heck...birds of a feather and all that jazz. I sucked it up, set up my account and began the learning process. I had to get the hang of this new wall comment thing and status updates and how to manage my friends list. But like any other site of its ilk, I found it ridiculously addictive. I hooked up with many of my current friends online, became obsessed with checking out everyone's status updates, and overall had lots of fun decking out my page with pictures, videos and a myriad of Facebook applications.

At its core, Facebook is there to keep you up to date and in touch with what your friends are up to. Kind of a short cut to staying in touch without the need for making phone calls, meeting up in person (especially when distance is a constraint), etc.

Over the years, I've lost touch with a lot of friends and acquaintances I knew in high school and college. On occasion, I'd be reminded of one old friend or another and find myself wondering what ever happened to them. Where did they end up? What have they been up to all these years? Were they still in touch with other mutual friends? Before the dawn of social networking internet sites, the only way to get answers to these questions was to try and find these old friends thru conventional methods like phone calls or letters, and more recently, email. But how do you find these people if you don't have their number? Or you don't have their current address? What if they changed their email addy and you never got the update? All sorts of scenarios exist that can conspire against you getting back in touch.

Now here is the crux of this whole revelation: where these old friendships meant to fade away? A fellow blogger I follow often speaks of dying or dead friendships as having a shelf life. They run their course and eventually you drift apart or perhaps find you no longer are interested in being friends with a person (nor they with you) and the friendship ends. Is this concept realistic? Sure. I think it is, and it definitely happens all the time. But is friendship expiration the only course?

I used to pretty firmly believe the answer to the above questions was yes. So then what happens when tools like Facebook allow you to change all that? I have considered myself extremely fortunate to have been able to reconnect with several old friends with whom I thought I'd lost contact forever. And some who I thought I'd never be in touch with again for other various reasons. Were these old friends meant to move in and out of my life? Am I bucking the "system" by bringing them back into my life? What was the reason they moved out of my life in the first place?

As an aside, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that there are people I've come across on Facebook that I have no interest in "re" friending. These were friendships (some formerly toxic friendships) I was glad to escape thanks to moving on in life. But there these folks are in Facebook; back to being in the peripheral of my life. What do you do when these former friends reach out to you and request that you add them as a friend? Part of me is morbidly curious to see what is going on in their lives; to find out if they've matured or changed. But the simpler solution would probably be to avoid inviting the (potential) drama back into my life.

But back to my original point. It's funny, this phenomenon, because people I haven't spoken to in many years can now see what I'm up to on a daily basis. They may have had no idea what I've been up to for the last 5- 10 years, but now they can check out my status updates, comment on my pictures and videos and read my blog entries. Anytime they want. All of this can even be done passively if so desired.

To think about this in terms of the old framework makes it seem almost creepy or stalkerish. But then again, I could be considered stalkerish myself what with all the status update checks I find myself doing when I'm bored. (Wipe that smirk off your face! I know you do the exact same thing! :P )

I am moving towards thinking having old (sometimes forgotten) friends drop back into my life should be looked upon as a gift. I get to reconnect, even if just to say" hey what's up? where have you been and what's new in your life?" Maybe it isn't so much about shelf life as it is moving on, growing up and getting better at staying in touch. After all, we were once friends for a reason, right?